A Discontent Wife

Cross posted from richardambercrowson.blogspot.com

We have made it one month, and it has not been that bad.  The weather has been absolutely perfect.  It gets chilly at night and then a nice 75 degrees in the day.  We have yet to turn on the air conditioning or the heat.  The leaves have started changing colors and it is beautiful.  We spend every waking moment outdoors because we know that in a very short time we will be confined inside for the winter.  This has been a wonderful season for us.  God has been so good. We do not have any additional members to our church yet.  From the inside it appears to be moving pretty slow.  The Lord has allowed us glimpses of progress in order to keep our heads up.  We knew going into this that it would be a very slow process and we are being patient.  Our main goal everyday is to develop the friendships God has blessed us with. 

Yesterday the three of us sat down and made a list of all the people we have make friendships with.  In one month there was close to 50 names, and the list is still growing.  We pray over these names every single day.  Sometimes I struggle with guilt because my list of names is considerably shorter than Richard and Dusty’s lists.  They spend every day going out and meeting people.  Whereas I generally stay back and hold the rope for them. This if you know me, is not something I am good at.  I have always been and desired to be on the front lines. I am a Do-er not a supporter of do-ers!  I have struggled with what my role is in the church plant.  As I have prayed for wisdom and clarity, God has been surprisingly quiet or so I thought.

I have been trying to balance my role as a wife and as a member of the church plant.  I want to be a major part of the plant. My heart longs to do more and be more involved.  Sometimes I go with Richard and Dusty when they go and meet people.  Every time I find myself watching the clock and cutting our time short because there are things at home that I have to take care of.  These things are not insignificant either.  We have people coming over for dinner in an hour, I told a neighbor to stop by at a certain time to come pick up lunch, or there is something at home that I need to have done before dinner.  I always find myself needing to be at home taking care of things. Disgruntled and discouraged, most days I let them go without me.  There just has to be more for me than this?

God can be telling me something so loudly but I just do not have ears to hear or eyes to see. It wasn’t until Richard and I met with a local woman who had a similar struggle to mine.  We were not in the same situation by any means, but our hearts were the same.  We both longed to be used radically by God but couldn’t see the work he had laid out in front of us.  In our homes. With our neighbors. In our communities. I began to see that my biblical place was next to Richard as his wife.  My ministry and call is to him first and foremost.  I am not called to be the associate pastor. The call on Richard’s life is completely different than the immediate call on my life. Yes, we are co-laborers. Yes, we do ministry together.   I know it is not popular or well accepted but my role is to manage the home.  Each wife is in different circumstances.  Their managing the home may look completely different than my managing the home. Managing the home does not give me an excuse to not share the gospel.  It is not a free pass to live a sinful or disobedient life.  What does my role in my home, with my neighbors, and in my community end up looking like? I am pretty sure it will take forever to answer that, and once I get it figured it will change.  

To grasp a better understanding of my role, in my quiet times I have been reflecting on my day-to-day/week-to-week activities. I am a very organized person.  One thing that has helped me save time and money is to make a monthly menu.  I plan out all of our meals. I try not to get bent out of shape when we do not eat a planned meal.  Flexibility, right? I usually make a trip to the grocery store once a month.  I buy everything we need with the exception of fruit and vegetables.  Richard knows better than to go into the kitchen for a snack.  He will inevitably eat a meal that has been planned for later in the month, and he will be in trouble. He is banned from the kitchen.  (Mainly because I am a control freak and the kitchen is my area. I’m working on it!)

About two weeks ago, Richard had an old magazine out and was thumbing through it. There was an ad that showed a woman in her kitchen with all her “appliances.” I do not remember what it was advertising. He said that the ad was made during a time where modern appliances were being introduced.  He made a particular point about how the refrigerator was normally associated with extremely wealthy homes.  During the time of the ad the refrigerator was becoming more and more popular. They began to make their way in every kitchen in America. Before this time, people had to go to the grocery store/market every day to buy fresh food. They relied on the market for everyday needs because they could not buy foods in bulk. Particularly foods that needed to be refrigerated.   Meals were planned a day at a time.  As a result, they knew the butcher, the baker, the person who sold them their fruits/vegetables, the milk man, etc.  They literally saw them every single day.  They were a community that lived life with each other.  They relied on each other. 

I began to think about that and saw some truth to it.  What better way to know my community than to be a part of it every day.  I decided that instead of going to the grocery store once a month I would go once a day. Going to the store everyday will increase the spending in our grocery and gas budget. I would just have to trust God to protect us financially.  I have gone to the grocery store every day for two weeks. Honestly, it can be a hassle.  I see something that I will need for tomorrow, but I put it back on the shelf.  I need a reason to come tomorrow.  There are so many other things I could be doing with the time I spend at the grocery store every day.  I still come every day though and generally at the same time.  Yesterday time seemed to get away from me.  Before I knew it, it was 6:00pm and I still had not gone to the store.  I was tired, and really just wanted to pick something up at the nearest restaurant.  I went to the store anyway knowing that dinner was going to be late.  I walked in and began my normal routine through the aisles.  I was deeply engrossed in the selection of enchilada sauces when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.  It was one of the employees that recognized me.  “I just about gave up on you today!  Thought we were not going to see you at all.”  We talked for a few minutes and I continued on my way.  I made my way to the meat department and found another familiar face. We pretty much had the same conversation. I realized then that I knew these people and most importantly they knew me.  I had made it a point to go to the same people every day.  I see the same butcher, baker, and cashier every single day.  Sometimes I wait in line a little longer so I can have the same person.  I checked out with my cashier, Michelle and the bagger handed me my bags and said, “See you tomorrow Amber” They know my name! Wait a minute. THEY KNOW MY NAME!

The drive home I began thinking about the different people I have met.  Another place I go every Saturday is the Sioux City Farmer’s Market.  There are so many vendors that it can get be hard to get to know any of them.  So I have selected four vendors that I buy from.  I will go to each vendor and talk with them, but my focus has been on four tables. Jim is who I buy peppers and Kale from. Kenny is tomatoes. Norman is apples. Lucas is my bread guy. I have gotten so familiar with them that when they are running low on food they will set my share to the side and wait for me. I have been praying over this area and how to better use my time there.  It is a huge event in the community.  They have music, food, contests, and games.  This week we will be getting there early and eating breakfast there. It does not take long for somebody to pick up on our accents and start talking to us. We plan to make an entire morning out of it. We shall see what happens. 

I have begun to see everything I do in a different light.  My everyday/weekly activities have started to have significance. Every Sunday I get up a little early and we have a fairly decent breakfast.  We eat a very light breakfast during the week so Sunday morning is always a treat for us. We look forward to it every week. Then we sit in our living room and have church.  Complete with the Lord’s Supper.  I thought it would be strange at first but I absolutely love it.  The combination of great fellowship, Worship, learning about God, discussing the sermon, prayer, and the Lord’s Supper has impacted all three of us.  I can’t help but think that this is the way church was meant to be.  We are not rushed, time restricted, stressed, and we could show up in our pjs if we wanted to. Our cat is right there with us curled up in my lap. That’s my kind of church! J  I am not saying this boastfully by any means but I feel that the breakfast and the time I put into our home has made a huge difference. By the end of every Sunday Service, we are revived, refreshed, and thankful.  I am not naïve in thinking that it will always be this way.  Our biggest prayer is that our church would not stay at three members and we would outgrow our living room.  I have no doubt that in the future we will look back at this season with longing.  This time is precious.  We have rejoiced in it.  

God is changing my disgruntled heart.  He is teaching me the value in a wife that manages the home. There are still moments when I feel like I should be doing more but God will give me a soft reminder that I am exactly where I need to be. I am grateful.

“I lift my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2

If You Feed Them, They Will Come

cross posted from richardambercrowson.blogspot.com

How are we going to get all the way to Iowa? What am I going to do once I get there? I had no problem with the first question.  I knew God would provide and oh how He did. We were so unbelievably shocked at how many people the LORD used to bring us here.  We will be sharing the story with our grandchildren for years to come.  The second question I repeatedly asked myself once a day before we moved to Iowa. Now that we are here, I ask myself this same question about three times a day.  What exactly am I suppose to be doing?  I am so unbelievably blessed with a husband that has a vision, a plan, a goal, and a passion for this journey.  I am not saying that I don’t have a passion for the church plant but the planning process has lied entirely at his feet.  The church planting internship has been preparing him for this for the last year.   Several times a week he would come home very excited about a new idea.  He would go into depth about his plans and visions until my eyes started crossing.  My job was to get us here.  Now that my job is over the question is front and center of my mind every single day.  Now what?

When my husband first introduced us to Michael Frost’s B.E.L.L.S. strategy (Be Generous, Eat, Learn Christ, Listen to God and Sent) I was immediately intrigued.  It seems quite simple.  Could this BELLS thing work?  What does it look like? I am a natural server so “Be Generous” and “Eat” should be a piece of cake (you see what I did there?).  Three weeks later I am finding “eat” to be the hardest goal to accomplish each week.  This actually requires me to go out and meet people.  If there is one thing I am not, it is an evangelist.  I am unbelievably shy and keep to myself.  It is something God has been working out of me for several years.  I am usually ok if I know the majority of people in the room.  I have to force myself to talk to people.  Once I get over the initial fear I am so very glad I did.  I have met some wonderful people.  My prayer for the last several months has been God reigning in this area of my life.  

Eat.  The idea is that once a week you share a meal with a non-believer and a believer. (If you have a family it is encouraged that you share at least one meal with your family per week) Those are the only rules with “E”.  It doesn’t matter who, where, or when.  You can combine the two or keep them separate.  The BELLS strategy allows for creativity.  It allows you to work within your skill sets.   I love to cook.  I am no Chef Ramsey let me assure you.  I am basically self-taught and elementary level at most.  I have no idea what half of those gadgets are or how they are used. All my “cooking stuff’ was either a wedding present or was purchased at the Goodwill. Eating meals together as a family (no matter how small) is extremely important to me.  Staying at home has allowed us to do that.  We eat almost every meal at the table together.  It has made a huge difference in our marriage and communication.   We may eat the same ten chicken recipes but we eat them together.  I am grateful for the time we have now because we may not always have it.  God has allowed me to stay at home during this season.  Who knows what tomorrow may bring? 

What am I suppose to be doing? After three weeks of praying over this question and the “BELLS” one thing is obviously clear.  I am already in my kitchen.  Why can’t I invite people here?  Who said that we had to eat in a restaurant or in a coffee shop?  I took the idea and have run with it.  Well I ran about ten feet until I hit a road block.   Inviting believers to our home has not been a problem.  We have been extremely successful in that area.  Part of that success is because we are new in town and believers are curious about who we are and what we are doing.  We get invited to restaurants to discuss our church plant every week.   Richard has lunch once a week with local pastors to discuss Sioux City and each other’s need/prayer requests.  However, I have not had any success in getting non-believers into our home.  My several attempts (I must admit that my approach has not been the best but I am working on it.  Again the shy thing. ) have utterly failed.  I can’t really invite men over for dinner without giving them the wrong idea or having wives/girlfriends question both parties’ motives.  The women have been polite but I could definitely tell they were not interested in coming over either.  Needless to say, I am still trying to figure this one out.  I will not give up though. 

One of our neighbors has an interesting habit of lingering outside our door while I am in the process of cooking something.  He conveniently needs to borrow something during dinner time.  He stops by at least a few nights a week.  It is starting to become a “no-knock-come-right-on-in” type of friendship.  He politely declines when I invite him to eat.  I know he wants to eat a home cooked meal. I know he is tired of frozen burritos and McDonald''s.  He practically drools on the table every time he comes over, but I will not push him.  However,  I have accidentally discovered if I bring him a meal and leave it on his table he will eat it (or give him a ‘to-go’ container.  He calls them 'doggy bowls') You better believe I am counting that towards my "E"! My goal is to bring him something once a week.  Not necessarily an entire meal. Cupcakes will suffice. Patience and baby-steps is the name of this game.  

I am trying to balance blessing people and not offending them with offering food.  I have discovered that people’s pride can be greatly wounded if I suggest that they come over for dinner or bring them a meal.  Some people are just not comfortable taking a handout from a church.  It doesn't matter what my intentions are.  They just do not want anyone suggesting that they cannot provide food for themselves or their families.  I have crossed a line several times and I am learning how to word my suggestions carefully as not to offend.  I need a back-up plan for “E”.  We are only three weeks in to this, and I am going to give myself a learning curve here. I will figure it out.  For now, I am sticking to many wise womens' life motto: If you feed them, they will come. 

Praying for direction and His Will to be done.

If you would like more information about Micheal Frost’s BELLS strategy here is a link to a PDF file that will go into greater detail: The Five Habits to Highly Missional People

Loving Your Neighbor

"Raise your hand if you know the name(s) of the neighbor to the right of you" No hands went up.  "Now raise your hand if you know the name(s) of the neighbor to your immediate left" Still no hands went up. "Ok. Now raise your hand if you know the names of any single person or animal that lives on your street" Not a single hand was raised.  Sunday School was profoundly quiet that morning. I felt justified in the fact that we had just moved into our rental home, and we had a legitimate excuse not to know our neighbors.  So what was everyone else's excuses? How can they NOT know the names of their neighbors?

Raised in a small farm town in Iowa, I knew everybody on my street and all the streets around me.  I could walk down any street in town (all one square mile of it) and could tell you at least the first or last name of most of the people living in the houses.  I could probably even tell you some of their telephone numbers.  I knew every child enrolled in my class and the classes below and above me.  If a stray animal came into my yard, I knew what house it belonged to.  It's just the way it was.  I never thought twice about it.  I could not understand how I could not know these people. Even though I have been away from that small town for 15 years, I can almost bet that if I walked into the grocery store I would know at least five people.  Knowing your neighbor is a piece of cake. I totally got this.

About 6 months later, I was working at Petco and a family approached me to purchase a guinea pig.  As I was helping them get their purchase together, I noticed the parents were looking at me in a strange way. "This is a little awkward but are you our neighbor?"  They did not look familiar to me whatsoever.  I had never seen them before.  "Surely not, I would recognize you!" As they described my house, my car and even said "Yes, your house is the blue house with the Siamese cat that sits in the front window!"  Busted! I did not know my neighbor.  Not only did I not know them, I didn't even recognize them. It may not seem like a big deal but it bothered me immensely that I didn't recognize their faces.  

What had changed in my life that I didn't know the family that lived right next door to me?  Conviction devoured me. Over the next few days the Holy Spirit continually put my neighbors on my heart.  It was so easy to minister to those in the church that came to me for help.  It was second nature to whip up a sunday school lesson and teach on the spot. I thrived living life with church members that I love so dearly.  What about those who lived next door to me that desperately needed truth?  One night Richard and I began to earnestly pray for our neighbors.  We prayed for opportunities to meet them and become apart of their lives.  We prayed for opportunities to meet their needs and hopefully reach them with the Gospel.

A month later the neighbor across the street backed his truck into Richard's car. My first instinct was to spaz out but I calmly walked across the street and knocked on the door.  After finalizing insurance details, he asks if my husband's name is Richard.  Wait...What? Why yes.. yes it is.   He tells me that he is in the National Guard and Richard use to preach every week and he remembered seeing him there. Richard has had coffee with him in our home several times since.   His dog's name is Bear.

I found out that the neighbor to our left works for a business that I consult with on a daily basis. We have been invited to every birthday and cookout they have had in their home for the last four years.   Her children can always be found playing in our backyard. They always greet me when I pull into the driveway and last year they each made us a homemade Christmas card.  Her dog's names are Boss and Lea.

One day a little girl knocked on our door holding a Guinea Pig that didn't feel very well. I'll give you a guess who that was.  Our neighbor's to the right. I was invited over and quickly discovered the Guinea Pig was not getting any Vitamin C.  They also have a pet snake and a turtle. I have pet-sat for them on numerous occasions until the family moved to a new home.  Their dog's name was CoCo. 

A new group of individuals moved in next door.  Three young men. I knew I couldn't just walk over there and knock on the door so I prayed for opportunity.  Our landlord for whatever reason began to mow their yard when he mowed ours. One day a girlfriend of one of the men approached me.  She thanked me for mowing their yard.  They had recently received some very bad news about one of their friends and appreciated the gesture.  Conveniently the UPS guy continually delivered me their packages for several months requiring me to go over to their house and deliver them. :) Their dog's name is Chief. 

cross-posted from richardambercrowson.blogspot.com

One by one God opened up the doors to our neighbors.  Usually the method he used is their pets.  Everyone on my street knows I now work at a vet clinic.  The children love to show me their new pets and I have enjoyed watching them grow up.  Very often the neighborhood children congregate in our yard.  We know most of their parents and most of them come from very destructive homes.  We continue to pray over them.  

Two nights ago I was summoned to the door by frantic knocking.  A gentleman was holding a young puppy that had gotten very sick.  My instinct told me it was Parvo.  A deadly (and expensive) virus puppies get and if not treated the puppy will die.  I discussed the situation with him standing in my front yard in my pajamas. He met me at my job first thing in the morning and the puppy did indeed have Parvo.  As he explained his life circumstances I quickly came to the understanding that this gentleman and his girlfriend had no money.  They couldn't afford to treat the puppy.  We did everything we could for the puppy with the budget we were given which wasn't much.  My heart was broken for them.  I returned their puppy back to them very ill and very lethargic and told them I was praying for the puppy and for them.  It wasn't very hopeful.

Tonight as I was preparing for bed somebody knocked on our door.  I am getting quite use to people stopping by and didn't think much about it.  I opened the door and four (different) neighbors were standing on our front porch.  In the middle of the circle was the puppy running around and playing at their feet.  We as a neighborhood celebrated a very small victory and a very small miracle.  The puppy had lived and was thriving.

As I am typing this my heart if very full.  I can now successfully name everyone of my neighbors. God has answered our prayers and these relationships are growing.  One step at a time we are loving our neighbors and really it hasn't cost us a thing.  Just a little determination, patience, and much prayer.  We still have a long ways to go.  

Do we have it figured out? No way.  It took almost five years to come as far as we have.  We have barely scratched the surface.  These people are destructive and are in desperate need of the Gospel.  Honestly, some of them struggle just to put food on the table.  There is a lot of pain and suffering behind those walls. We just continue to pray and remain faithful.  God will always present opportunities to meet your neighbors and their needs. All you need to do is ask.

The puppy's name is Lucky.