Searching for that Green Thumb.

During the dead of winter, my husband began to entertain the idea of a garden. It may have been birthed from the simple fact that our souls were getting frost bite.  We were desperately longing for summer. We were open to anything that would take our mind of our frozen fingers and toes.  I was officially over the winter and for the first time in my life I wanted summer.  I wanted the Sun.  I wanted the heat, the sweat, the humidity, and the sunburns.  I was to the point that if I saw one more snowflake I was going to absolutely lose my mind.  There are aspects of winter that I do enjoy but I was ready to move on. 

I tried to picture myself hunched over a flowerbed with my gardening gloves on.  I visualized myself showing off flowers and various pots of greenery to my friends and announcing "This one's name is Betty and this little guy over here is our beloved Thomas".  How most people visualize cat hoarders is how I visualized myself as a gardener.  I also pictured my Grandmother.  She has/had the biggest garden I have ever seen outside of a corporation/small business.  My mother and her work this garden all by themselves.  We are talking HUNDREDS of tomato plants, as well as a few hundred pepper, jalapeno, carrots, potatoes, squash, okra, cucumbers, onions, and so on.  After the extensive long walk through the vegetable garden you find yourself in the flower garden.  Hundreds of flowers as well as trees and bushes my grandmother planted herself. Did I mention that she is in her 80's?  I feel I also need to mention that my mother is handicapped.  I also begrudgingly should say that my grandmother is in better shape than I have EVER been in my life.  She absolutely can run circles around me physically and mentally. Needless to say, I was a little intimidated by the garden.

Richard brought up the Garden almost every day for three weeks, I finally surrendered and told him I would plant him a garden in the Spring. So began the hours of research and shopping around for the best prices/ideas. My grandmother's blood flows through my veins so I know my green thumb is somewhere deep down.  I just had to find it.  I decided to start in March.  As in March 1st. The first day the temp was about 40 degrees.  (40 degrees = spring. Right? No. A most definite no)  I didn't know that most people plant their plants Easter Sunday or after. I also didn't realize that it would still snow.

Our seeds came in and we got started.  We decided to start simple. Just to see what would happen and if we could do it. My heart sank when I opened the first package of Lobelia seeds.  I thought the package was empty.  It had a tiny plastic bag in it and what looked looked like dust. One hundred specks of dust. How in the world are we going to plant 100 specks of dust? After fiddling around for an hour, I got tired of it and poured the whole thing in one pot and swirled it around with a spoon. THERE! Done!  On to the Coleus. We graduated from dust specs to flakes of pepper. When I saw those seeds I pretty much gave up on the idea that we would actually grow anything.  On and on we went until every last seed was planted. We ended up with starter kits of marigolds, zinnias, coleus, lobelia, tomatoes, and peppers.

For 2 months garden starter kits littered our home. They were everywhere.  At every window because it was still too cold to leave the plants outside.  I had/have no idea what I was doing. We watched every day and after a week things started to grow.  Everything except the Coleus and the Lobelia.  (Big surprise there...)



Day 5 of the Marigolds.  Which has been our most successful flower. We grew every single seed.

 

I have spent many hours in our Garden since March.  I have come to love it.  I have loved watching these plants grow. I have made so many mistakes and my grandmother just laughs and says "That's the only way you'll learn"  So far we have lost 23 zinnias and 2 tomatoes.  I have gained so much insight in the character of God.  The next few blogs will about those lessons and truths I have gained.  I am a very visual learner and sometimes the bible doesn't make sense to me until I see it laid out in front of me. I can see God so much clearer in the smaller things than in the larger big picture things. One thing has been made clearer and clearer. I cannot make these plants grow or thrive.  It is entirely out of my hands.  Just as the seeds we plant spiritually.  I can do my part such as, pulling the weeds, providing the soil, sheltering them, and nurturing the seed.  I can't make it grow or produce fruit.  Some plants just will not produce fruit.  They look like they will and maybe they start producing but then it withers.  Some of the flowers started out very weak and almost died but they ended up being the most beautiful of the bunch. 

 

Our neighbors love our patio garden and it has opened the door with so many of them.  The entire complex knows who we are.  All we have to say is "we are the apartment with all the plants" 

 

Here is our garden today:

 

Patio Garden 6.24.2015

 

Patio Garden 6.7.2015

Until Next Time,

 

Amber

 

 



A Discontent Wife

Cross posted from richardambercrowson.blogspot.com

We have made it one month, and it has not been that bad.  The weather has been absolutely perfect.  It gets chilly at night and then a nice 75 degrees in the day.  We have yet to turn on the air conditioning or the heat.  The leaves have started changing colors and it is beautiful.  We spend every waking moment outdoors because we know that in a very short time we will be confined inside for the winter.  This has been a wonderful season for us.  God has been so good. We do not have any additional members to our church yet.  From the inside it appears to be moving pretty slow.  The Lord has allowed us glimpses of progress in order to keep our heads up.  We knew going into this that it would be a very slow process and we are being patient.  Our main goal everyday is to develop the friendships God has blessed us with. 

Yesterday the three of us sat down and made a list of all the people we have make friendships with.  In one month there was close to 50 names, and the list is still growing.  We pray over these names every single day.  Sometimes I struggle with guilt because my list of names is considerably shorter than Richard and Dusty’s lists.  They spend every day going out and meeting people.  Whereas I generally stay back and hold the rope for them. This if you know me, is not something I am good at.  I have always been and desired to be on the front lines. I am a Do-er not a supporter of do-ers!  I have struggled with what my role is in the church plant.  As I have prayed for wisdom and clarity, God has been surprisingly quiet or so I thought.

I have been trying to balance my role as a wife and as a member of the church plant.  I want to be a major part of the plant. My heart longs to do more and be more involved.  Sometimes I go with Richard and Dusty when they go and meet people.  Every time I find myself watching the clock and cutting our time short because there are things at home that I have to take care of.  These things are not insignificant either.  We have people coming over for dinner in an hour, I told a neighbor to stop by at a certain time to come pick up lunch, or there is something at home that I need to have done before dinner.  I always find myself needing to be at home taking care of things. Disgruntled and discouraged, most days I let them go without me.  There just has to be more for me than this?

God can be telling me something so loudly but I just do not have ears to hear or eyes to see. It wasn’t until Richard and I met with a local woman who had a similar struggle to mine.  We were not in the same situation by any means, but our hearts were the same.  We both longed to be used radically by God but couldn’t see the work he had laid out in front of us.  In our homes. With our neighbors. In our communities. I began to see that my biblical place was next to Richard as his wife.  My ministry and call is to him first and foremost.  I am not called to be the associate pastor. The call on Richard’s life is completely different than the immediate call on my life. Yes, we are co-laborers. Yes, we do ministry together.   I know it is not popular or well accepted but my role is to manage the home.  Each wife is in different circumstances.  Their managing the home may look completely different than my managing the home. Managing the home does not give me an excuse to not share the gospel.  It is not a free pass to live a sinful or disobedient life.  What does my role in my home, with my neighbors, and in my community end up looking like? I am pretty sure it will take forever to answer that, and once I get it figured it will change.  

To grasp a better understanding of my role, in my quiet times I have been reflecting on my day-to-day/week-to-week activities. I am a very organized person.  One thing that has helped me save time and money is to make a monthly menu.  I plan out all of our meals. I try not to get bent out of shape when we do not eat a planned meal.  Flexibility, right? I usually make a trip to the grocery store once a month.  I buy everything we need with the exception of fruit and vegetables.  Richard knows better than to go into the kitchen for a snack.  He will inevitably eat a meal that has been planned for later in the month, and he will be in trouble. He is banned from the kitchen.  (Mainly because I am a control freak and the kitchen is my area. I’m working on it!)

About two weeks ago, Richard had an old magazine out and was thumbing through it. There was an ad that showed a woman in her kitchen with all her “appliances.” I do not remember what it was advertising. He said that the ad was made during a time where modern appliances were being introduced.  He made a particular point about how the refrigerator was normally associated with extremely wealthy homes.  During the time of the ad the refrigerator was becoming more and more popular. They began to make their way in every kitchen in America. Before this time, people had to go to the grocery store/market every day to buy fresh food. They relied on the market for everyday needs because they could not buy foods in bulk. Particularly foods that needed to be refrigerated.   Meals were planned a day at a time.  As a result, they knew the butcher, the baker, the person who sold them their fruits/vegetables, the milk man, etc.  They literally saw them every single day.  They were a community that lived life with each other.  They relied on each other. 

I began to think about that and saw some truth to it.  What better way to know my community than to be a part of it every day.  I decided that instead of going to the grocery store once a month I would go once a day. Going to the store everyday will increase the spending in our grocery and gas budget. I would just have to trust God to protect us financially.  I have gone to the grocery store every day for two weeks. Honestly, it can be a hassle.  I see something that I will need for tomorrow, but I put it back on the shelf.  I need a reason to come tomorrow.  There are so many other things I could be doing with the time I spend at the grocery store every day.  I still come every day though and generally at the same time.  Yesterday time seemed to get away from me.  Before I knew it, it was 6:00pm and I still had not gone to the store.  I was tired, and really just wanted to pick something up at the nearest restaurant.  I went to the store anyway knowing that dinner was going to be late.  I walked in and began my normal routine through the aisles.  I was deeply engrossed in the selection of enchilada sauces when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.  It was one of the employees that recognized me.  “I just about gave up on you today!  Thought we were not going to see you at all.”  We talked for a few minutes and I continued on my way.  I made my way to the meat department and found another familiar face. We pretty much had the same conversation. I realized then that I knew these people and most importantly they knew me.  I had made it a point to go to the same people every day.  I see the same butcher, baker, and cashier every single day.  Sometimes I wait in line a little longer so I can have the same person.  I checked out with my cashier, Michelle and the bagger handed me my bags and said, “See you tomorrow Amber” They know my name! Wait a minute. THEY KNOW MY NAME!

The drive home I began thinking about the different people I have met.  Another place I go every Saturday is the Sioux City Farmer’s Market.  There are so many vendors that it can get be hard to get to know any of them.  So I have selected four vendors that I buy from.  I will go to each vendor and talk with them, but my focus has been on four tables. Jim is who I buy peppers and Kale from. Kenny is tomatoes. Norman is apples. Lucas is my bread guy. I have gotten so familiar with them that when they are running low on food they will set my share to the side and wait for me. I have been praying over this area and how to better use my time there.  It is a huge event in the community.  They have music, food, contests, and games.  This week we will be getting there early and eating breakfast there. It does not take long for somebody to pick up on our accents and start talking to us. We plan to make an entire morning out of it. We shall see what happens. 

I have begun to see everything I do in a different light.  My everyday/weekly activities have started to have significance. Every Sunday I get up a little early and we have a fairly decent breakfast.  We eat a very light breakfast during the week so Sunday morning is always a treat for us. We look forward to it every week. Then we sit in our living room and have church.  Complete with the Lord’s Supper.  I thought it would be strange at first but I absolutely love it.  The combination of great fellowship, Worship, learning about God, discussing the sermon, prayer, and the Lord’s Supper has impacted all three of us.  I can’t help but think that this is the way church was meant to be.  We are not rushed, time restricted, stressed, and we could show up in our pjs if we wanted to. Our cat is right there with us curled up in my lap. That’s my kind of church! J  I am not saying this boastfully by any means but I feel that the breakfast and the time I put into our home has made a huge difference. By the end of every Sunday Service, we are revived, refreshed, and thankful.  I am not naïve in thinking that it will always be this way.  Our biggest prayer is that our church would not stay at three members and we would outgrow our living room.  I have no doubt that in the future we will look back at this season with longing.  This time is precious.  We have rejoiced in it.  

God is changing my disgruntled heart.  He is teaching me the value in a wife that manages the home. There are still moments when I feel like I should be doing more but God will give me a soft reminder that I am exactly where I need to be. I am grateful.

“I lift my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2

If You Feed Them, They Will Come

cross posted from richardambercrowson.blogspot.com

How are we going to get all the way to Iowa? What am I going to do once I get there? I had no problem with the first question.  I knew God would provide and oh how He did. We were so unbelievably shocked at how many people the LORD used to bring us here.  We will be sharing the story with our grandchildren for years to come.  The second question I repeatedly asked myself once a day before we moved to Iowa. Now that we are here, I ask myself this same question about three times a day.  What exactly am I suppose to be doing?  I am so unbelievably blessed with a husband that has a vision, a plan, a goal, and a passion for this journey.  I am not saying that I don’t have a passion for the church plant but the planning process has lied entirely at his feet.  The church planting internship has been preparing him for this for the last year.   Several times a week he would come home very excited about a new idea.  He would go into depth about his plans and visions until my eyes started crossing.  My job was to get us here.  Now that my job is over the question is front and center of my mind every single day.  Now what?

When my husband first introduced us to Michael Frost’s B.E.L.L.S. strategy (Be Generous, Eat, Learn Christ, Listen to God and Sent) I was immediately intrigued.  It seems quite simple.  Could this BELLS thing work?  What does it look like? I am a natural server so “Be Generous” and “Eat” should be a piece of cake (you see what I did there?).  Three weeks later I am finding “eat” to be the hardest goal to accomplish each week.  This actually requires me to go out and meet people.  If there is one thing I am not, it is an evangelist.  I am unbelievably shy and keep to myself.  It is something God has been working out of me for several years.  I am usually ok if I know the majority of people in the room.  I have to force myself to talk to people.  Once I get over the initial fear I am so very glad I did.  I have met some wonderful people.  My prayer for the last several months has been God reigning in this area of my life.  

Eat.  The idea is that once a week you share a meal with a non-believer and a believer. (If you have a family it is encouraged that you share at least one meal with your family per week) Those are the only rules with “E”.  It doesn’t matter who, where, or when.  You can combine the two or keep them separate.  The BELLS strategy allows for creativity.  It allows you to work within your skill sets.   I love to cook.  I am no Chef Ramsey let me assure you.  I am basically self-taught and elementary level at most.  I have no idea what half of those gadgets are or how they are used. All my “cooking stuff’ was either a wedding present or was purchased at the Goodwill. Eating meals together as a family (no matter how small) is extremely important to me.  Staying at home has allowed us to do that.  We eat almost every meal at the table together.  It has made a huge difference in our marriage and communication.   We may eat the same ten chicken recipes but we eat them together.  I am grateful for the time we have now because we may not always have it.  God has allowed me to stay at home during this season.  Who knows what tomorrow may bring? 

What am I suppose to be doing? After three weeks of praying over this question and the “BELLS” one thing is obviously clear.  I am already in my kitchen.  Why can’t I invite people here?  Who said that we had to eat in a restaurant or in a coffee shop?  I took the idea and have run with it.  Well I ran about ten feet until I hit a road block.   Inviting believers to our home has not been a problem.  We have been extremely successful in that area.  Part of that success is because we are new in town and believers are curious about who we are and what we are doing.  We get invited to restaurants to discuss our church plant every week.   Richard has lunch once a week with local pastors to discuss Sioux City and each other’s need/prayer requests.  However, I have not had any success in getting non-believers into our home.  My several attempts (I must admit that my approach has not been the best but I am working on it.  Again the shy thing. ) have utterly failed.  I can’t really invite men over for dinner without giving them the wrong idea or having wives/girlfriends question both parties’ motives.  The women have been polite but I could definitely tell they were not interested in coming over either.  Needless to say, I am still trying to figure this one out.  I will not give up though. 

One of our neighbors has an interesting habit of lingering outside our door while I am in the process of cooking something.  He conveniently needs to borrow something during dinner time.  He stops by at least a few nights a week.  It is starting to become a “no-knock-come-right-on-in” type of friendship.  He politely declines when I invite him to eat.  I know he wants to eat a home cooked meal. I know he is tired of frozen burritos and McDonald''s.  He practically drools on the table every time he comes over, but I will not push him.  However,  I have accidentally discovered if I bring him a meal and leave it on his table he will eat it (or give him a ‘to-go’ container.  He calls them 'doggy bowls') You better believe I am counting that towards my "E"! My goal is to bring him something once a week.  Not necessarily an entire meal. Cupcakes will suffice. Patience and baby-steps is the name of this game.  

I am trying to balance blessing people and not offending them with offering food.  I have discovered that people’s pride can be greatly wounded if I suggest that they come over for dinner or bring them a meal.  Some people are just not comfortable taking a handout from a church.  It doesn't matter what my intentions are.  They just do not want anyone suggesting that they cannot provide food for themselves or their families.  I have crossed a line several times and I am learning how to word my suggestions carefully as not to offend.  I need a back-up plan for “E”.  We are only three weeks in to this, and I am going to give myself a learning curve here. I will figure it out.  For now, I am sticking to many wise womens' life motto: If you feed them, they will come. 

Praying for direction and His Will to be done.

If you would like more information about Micheal Frost’s BELLS strategy here is a link to a PDF file that will go into greater detail: The Five Habits to Highly Missional People

Loving Your Neighbor

"Raise your hand if you know the name(s) of the neighbor to the right of you" No hands went up.  "Now raise your hand if you know the name(s) of the neighbor to your immediate left" Still no hands went up. "Ok. Now raise your hand if you know the names of any single person or animal that lives on your street" Not a single hand was raised.  Sunday School was profoundly quiet that morning. I felt justified in the fact that we had just moved into our rental home, and we had a legitimate excuse not to know our neighbors.  So what was everyone else's excuses? How can they NOT know the names of their neighbors?

Raised in a small farm town in Iowa, I knew everybody on my street and all the streets around me.  I could walk down any street in town (all one square mile of it) and could tell you at least the first or last name of most of the people living in the houses.  I could probably even tell you some of their telephone numbers.  I knew every child enrolled in my class and the classes below and above me.  If a stray animal came into my yard, I knew what house it belonged to.  It's just the way it was.  I never thought twice about it.  I could not understand how I could not know these people. Even though I have been away from that small town for 15 years, I can almost bet that if I walked into the grocery store I would know at least five people.  Knowing your neighbor is a piece of cake. I totally got this.

About 6 months later, I was working at Petco and a family approached me to purchase a guinea pig.  As I was helping them get their purchase together, I noticed the parents were looking at me in a strange way. "This is a little awkward but are you our neighbor?"  They did not look familiar to me whatsoever.  I had never seen them before.  "Surely not, I would recognize you!" As they described my house, my car and even said "Yes, your house is the blue house with the Siamese cat that sits in the front window!"  Busted! I did not know my neighbor.  Not only did I not know them, I didn't even recognize them. It may not seem like a big deal but it bothered me immensely that I didn't recognize their faces.  

What had changed in my life that I didn't know the family that lived right next door to me?  Conviction devoured me. Over the next few days the Holy Spirit continually put my neighbors on my heart.  It was so easy to minister to those in the church that came to me for help.  It was second nature to whip up a sunday school lesson and teach on the spot. I thrived living life with church members that I love so dearly.  What about those who lived next door to me that desperately needed truth?  One night Richard and I began to earnestly pray for our neighbors.  We prayed for opportunities to meet them and become apart of their lives.  We prayed for opportunities to meet their needs and hopefully reach them with the Gospel.

A month later the neighbor across the street backed his truck into Richard's car. My first instinct was to spaz out but I calmly walked across the street and knocked on the door.  After finalizing insurance details, he asks if my husband's name is Richard.  Wait...What? Why yes.. yes it is.   He tells me that he is in the National Guard and Richard use to preach every week and he remembered seeing him there. Richard has had coffee with him in our home several times since.   His dog's name is Bear.

I found out that the neighbor to our left works for a business that I consult with on a daily basis. We have been invited to every birthday and cookout they have had in their home for the last four years.   Her children can always be found playing in our backyard. They always greet me when I pull into the driveway and last year they each made us a homemade Christmas card.  Her dog's names are Boss and Lea.

One day a little girl knocked on our door holding a Guinea Pig that didn't feel very well. I'll give you a guess who that was.  Our neighbor's to the right. I was invited over and quickly discovered the Guinea Pig was not getting any Vitamin C.  They also have a pet snake and a turtle. I have pet-sat for them on numerous occasions until the family moved to a new home.  Their dog's name was CoCo. 

A new group of individuals moved in next door.  Three young men. I knew I couldn't just walk over there and knock on the door so I prayed for opportunity.  Our landlord for whatever reason began to mow their yard when he mowed ours. One day a girlfriend of one of the men approached me.  She thanked me for mowing their yard.  They had recently received some very bad news about one of their friends and appreciated the gesture.  Conveniently the UPS guy continually delivered me their packages for several months requiring me to go over to their house and deliver them. :) Their dog's name is Chief. 

cross-posted from richardambercrowson.blogspot.com

One by one God opened up the doors to our neighbors.  Usually the method he used is their pets.  Everyone on my street knows I now work at a vet clinic.  The children love to show me their new pets and I have enjoyed watching them grow up.  Very often the neighborhood children congregate in our yard.  We know most of their parents and most of them come from very destructive homes.  We continue to pray over them.  

Two nights ago I was summoned to the door by frantic knocking.  A gentleman was holding a young puppy that had gotten very sick.  My instinct told me it was Parvo.  A deadly (and expensive) virus puppies get and if not treated the puppy will die.  I discussed the situation with him standing in my front yard in my pajamas. He met me at my job first thing in the morning and the puppy did indeed have Parvo.  As he explained his life circumstances I quickly came to the understanding that this gentleman and his girlfriend had no money.  They couldn't afford to treat the puppy.  We did everything we could for the puppy with the budget we were given which wasn't much.  My heart was broken for them.  I returned their puppy back to them very ill and very lethargic and told them I was praying for the puppy and for them.  It wasn't very hopeful.

Tonight as I was preparing for bed somebody knocked on our door.  I am getting quite use to people stopping by and didn't think much about it.  I opened the door and four (different) neighbors were standing on our front porch.  In the middle of the circle was the puppy running around and playing at their feet.  We as a neighborhood celebrated a very small victory and a very small miracle.  The puppy had lived and was thriving.

As I am typing this my heart if very full.  I can now successfully name everyone of my neighbors. God has answered our prayers and these relationships are growing.  One step at a time we are loving our neighbors and really it hasn't cost us a thing.  Just a little determination, patience, and much prayer.  We still have a long ways to go.  

Do we have it figured out? No way.  It took almost five years to come as far as we have.  We have barely scratched the surface.  These people are destructive and are in desperate need of the Gospel.  Honestly, some of them struggle just to put food on the table.  There is a lot of pain and suffering behind those walls. We just continue to pray and remain faithful.  God will always present opportunities to meet your neighbors and their needs. All you need to do is ask.

The puppy's name is Lucky.  

Trusting God and Not in what God has Done.

 “Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever.” Psalm 125:1

Trust in the Lord. Trust, trust, and more trust.  How many times have I heard trust in the Lord? How many times have I sung the lyrics “Trust and Obey. For there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.”   Every single day I tell somebody to just trust in the LORD.  Every single day I have to tell myself to trust.  A few months ago, I began doing a study through the Psalms of Ascent.  To be perfectly honest, I had never heard the term before and Richard had to explain to me what the Psalms of Ascent were.  Psalms and Proverbs are not books that I gravitate towards. Ever. I struggle through those chapters and quickly find my way back to the stories.  This time I am sticking them out and really learning their significance.  More than once have the verses floated to my mind randomly throughout the day. 

The ways I trust the LORD:

• He will provide my every need.
• He is faithful and true.
• He will keep his promises to His children.
• He will never leave us or forsake us.
• He cares and loves me
• Nothing I will ever do will make the LORD love me less
• Nothing I will ever do will make the LORD love me more.
• All things work together for good for those who love God
• No matter what happens in/to my life, He is in control and He is good.  All the time.

I look at this list and I know it should be longer.  My list fluctuates with my spiritual life. Sometimes it is much shorter.  There have been several times in my life where only one thing was on this list. Days where I only had the strength to whisper “God is good.” Some days the list is much longer.  Why is that?  Shouldn’t my list be the same no matter what is going on in my life? No matter what state my spiritual walk is in?  God never changes and His word never changes.  His promises to me never change either.  Why then do I sometimes struggle with trusting the Lord will all my heart?

As I type this blog my car is currently in the shop.  If you know anything about us you know that this is not unusual.  It seems like we always have a vehicle in the shop.  I have the uncanny ability to break everything I touch. Not intentionally of course.  Since we have been married, every appliance in our home has had to be fixed or replaced. Even the handle on the oven door fell off.  I am extremely tired of conversations that start with “Honey, I am very sorry but I broke…..” This is exactly the reason we do not purchase brand new things.  They do not last. I would spend $20,000 on a brand new car and something that wasn’t covered under the warranty would break.  This ability is not exclusive to inanimate objects either.  The precious tiny kitten I picked out 7 years ago came with all sorts of medical issues.  

 “As for me, I said in my prosperity, ‘I shall never be moved.’ By your favor, O LORD, you made my mountain stand strong; you hid your face; I was dismayed.” Psalm 30:7

How do I know that I can trust God through these trials? I trust because He has seen us through every single one of them.  He has provided our needs through every single crisis.  Psalm 30:7 is where my brain has been camping out the whole day.  Do I trust God because of who He is or do I trust God because of his provision in my life?  Is there a difference?

If God had not seen us through all those trials would I still trust him?  What if I woke up tomorrow and everything I own was gone? What if Richard was gone? What if my health was gone? What if God never blesses us with children?  What if he blesses us with children and then takes them away? Would my mountain still stand strong?

“Even if our security is something God has given us—our gifts, talents, loved ones, church family, consistent victory, passion for His Word—our seemingly secure mountain ultimately will fall into the sea.  We can grow secure in the favor God has shown us, but God’s favor and His person are not synonymous.  If our trust is in manifestations of God’s favor rather than God Himself, we will crumble like dry clay when He calls us to walk a distance of our journeys entirely by faith and not by sight.” ~Beth Moore, Stepping up: A Journey through the Psalms of Ascent.

So how do I transfer my trust from His provision to Him?  I am still working that out.  I am going to let God’s word speak for itself:

“To you, O LORD, I cry, and to the LORD I plead for mercy:  ‘What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the pit?  Will the dust praise you?  Will it tell of your faithfulness?  Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me! O LORD, be my helper!’ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.  O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!” Psalm 30:8-12

Renew us by the transforming of our minds Lord!  

In Christ,

Amber

Discovering the Dangers of Pre-Marital Sex through Nursing School

I was going through a box of old stuff and found an old flash drive.  Curious I popped it into the computer and discovered that it contains all of my Nursing School Journals.  For those who have never experienced the wonderful joy of Nursing School let me just explain how the journals work.  Each semester you are required to rotate through different areas of nursing.  Over the span of two years you experience every area of nursing so you are a well rounded experienced graduate.  It also gives you an idea of the type of nursing you prefer and want to further your career in.  Our teachers required us to journal our experiences through each rotation.  This particular journal I have decided to share again.  I will never forget this rotation and I hope it opens the eyes to many people of the dangers of sex outside of marriage and extra marital affairs. This took place at a medical clinic for contagious diseases. Specifically but not exclusively related to STDs. I rotated through the men's clinic and spent a few hours in the female clinic. The clinic diagnosis diseases and these men are required (some cases by law) to write down the names of all their sexual partners for a specific length of time. Those people are contacted by mail and notified that their presence is required at the clinic.  There are codes on the postcard that represent the different diseases they have been exposed to. Very seldom did the cards contain just one code.  The men that came through were of all ages and races. Some very young.  There were single, married, and homosexual men represented. This is just a very small sample of what goes on there every single day.   Here you go:

Thursday February 1, 2007:
 Today was the day that Amber lost her fear of the male body. I now consider myself somewhat of an expert.  I spent the day at  ******* clinic or as I like to call it: “My girl told me to come up here clinic” I have done things to a man that he would not even know to have nightmares about. I have swabbed, stuck, inspected, educated, consoled, demonstrated, administered, milked, and palpated enough for a lifetime. I use to be nervous around men and their no-no zones, but thanks to today I have conquered my fear of the no-no zone. I can now pretty much go up to any male patient, and do whatever needs to be done to them. Hesitation is not in my system anymore.

Today I had the extreme honor and privilege of administering a penicillin shot to an HIV patient who had contracted syphilis, and then later drawing his blood to run for further testing. Another student asked me if I had been nervous while drawing his blood. I asked her why I should be nervous and she said. “Cuz he has HIV!?!” I simply smiled and said.  “I have treated everyone of my patients like they had HIV, the only difference with this one was he really had it. So I have hypothetically stuck a patient with HIV a hundred times.”  Haha.

Needless to say, this experience today has taught me a lot about life and how the world is. Three nights ago God led me to the first and second chapters of Romans. For the life of me I could not understand why. After today it has been made clear to me.  I didn’t understand God’s message for me so he showed me by an example of how our world is. He also taught me not to judge homosexuals because their sin is not greater than my own. I am not to look down upon them. To be perfectly honest I walked into that clinic this morning in the mind-set that ‘these people should have known better’ and I almost dare to say that they deserve what they got and they should know to use protection.  I walked out of the clinic today with a broken heart and completely humbled before God. This was one of the hardest rotations I have been through yet. Physically it was not difficult at all but emotionally it was completely draining.
 
I saw man after man crying after they learned they were HIV positive. I saw marriages and relationships torn apart because of unfaithfulness. What has this world come to? There were young 13-14 year olds crying and clinging to their parents because of ‘one night’ of fun, or a series of bad choices that destroyed their lives forever.  I hugged a homosexual man after he learned that his ‘partner’ of ten years had transmitted HIV to him. I have seen first hand what sex and ‘sleeping around’ do to people. It destroys their lives. Yeah…. Some of them were lucky and only contracted Syphilis, Gonorrhea or Chlamydia infections that are curable, but when you’re injecting medicine into the butt of man and he cowers and screams on the floor cuz it burns like acid fire. You get to tell him he still has two more shots to go…I wonder…. Are they so lucky after all?? 

My friends. This is where the enemy has taken over. This is where he has gained the upper hand. He is a defeated foe but this battle he is winning.

In Christ,

Amber

O Martha? Martha? Where art thou Martha?

**Also posted on richardambercrowson.blogspot.com

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42 

If you ask Richard to describe me in a few words “A Do-er” will make it to the top of the list. I am much more comfortable serving than learning. I relate to Martha so well. I understand why she gets mad at Mary. While she is in the kitchen preparing everything, Mary is sitting on her butt just staring at a man. There would have been pots banging loudly.  There possibly would have been throwing of an apron and spatula at her head to make her get the hint. I believe that once I had the table set, there would not have been a place set for Mary. She would have had to go make her own meal and eat it by herself. She most definitely would have done the dishes all by herself. Nothing sets my temper off more than a person who has been assigned a task/job and they don’t do it. Especially if I am the one who assigned the task and especially if that assigned person is family. I know the point of the story but I can’t help but feel that Martha was justified in her feelings. However wrong they were. If the man had not been Jesus then Martha would have been in the right. Martha! I get you girl! We would have kicked it in the kitchen until the cows come home! 

I always feel like I should be doing something at all times and it drives Richard B-a-n-a-n-a-s. I never understood why it makes Richard so mad when I get up during a movie and start cleaning. He mentions something and I jump up to go grab it, fix it, or accomplish it. Doesn’t he want me to take care of things? At some point in every day Richard will lovingly grab my arms, cups my face with his hands so I will look at him, and tell me to go sit down and not to move again. 

Every week we visit with my mother and grandmother. We sit for hours in her living room and just talk. It’s a wonderful time. Yesterday while we were visiting, I noticed something I had never noticed before. Throughout the entire visit my mother never sat down. She was constantly on the go. Richard mentioned that he enjoys “The Twilight Zone” Mom quickly jumped up and went and got the movie. I mentioned that “Gone Girl” will be showing in theatres soon. She quickly went to her room and brought me the book so I could read it. She was constantly refilling our cups, picking up our plates, getting out cookies, or taking out the trash. She never stopped throughout the entire visit. I found myself repeating the same things over and over because she didn’t hear them the first time. It was exhausting and irritating. She couldn’t stop serving us for five minutes and enjoy our company. We didn’t come there to be served. We came to visit. 

The drive home was filled with us discussing Mom’s behavior. This is Richard’s area of expertise. I have long ago stop trying to understand why people act the way they do. Mom serves because she loves us. We were in her home and she was expressing her love to us. She missed out on spending quality time with us because she was too busy trying to please us with her actions. Quality time that is fleeting and she can never have back. Mom gives us her possessions because she is trying to show us how important we are to her. She would give up her time and possessions in order to serve us. Those are really the only two things she has. Time and Possessions. What she didn’t realize was we didn’t need her possessions or her sacrificed time. We needed fellowship with her. 

Cleaning up after dinner that night I was reflecting on the visit. Why couldn’t mom see it? How would I even approach the subject with her? Another thought kept popping into my head. Richard tells me all the time how much my mother and I are alike. Not just in looks. We do have the same face but our spirits are just alike as well. The same things I struggle with my mother struggles with. I am my mother’s daughter through and through. No matter how much I want to deny it. I am a stubborn, hard-headed, strong willed, animal loving, people loving, and a people serving machine. As I type this my cat is curled up in my lap. How many letters has Mom written to me with a pet in her lap. GAH! I might as well be her clone. 

One thing is certain. We are two Marthas that desperately need to become more like Mary. How much quality time have I missed out on because I was too busy serving? How many times have I only half listened to Richard because I was thinking about a hundred other things that needed to get done. Were they important? Some of them were very important but not more important that giving my husband my undivided attention. The time we have together is fleeting and I have been wasting it running around trying to serve him. What he wants is fellowship. Oh how God opens our eyes. Nothing seems to speak louder to me than when I run into a person who is a reflection of myself. How much time have I wasted only half reading my bible because breakfast needed to be prepared? How many times has distractions overshadowed quality time with the LORD in my life? If distractions are overshadowing my husband then they are definitely overshadowing the LORD.

Jesus said: “Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her” Mary chose time with the Savior.

This Martha is choosing time and it will not be taken from me either. 

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes. 

My Mother and me.  We are about the same age in this picture.  Me in 2010.  My mother in 1982

At my Wedding in 2010

In Christ, 

Amber