oh.. my! Have you got a minute..or two.. or three... or several hundred. This by far was the hardest part for me.. well for both us actually. I have way to many people in my life that mean so much to me it was hard to exclude them from my bridesmaid list.
Before Richard even proposed to me he told me how many groomsmen he wanted in 'his wedding' He got to about the 9th name and was still going. I stared at him in disbelief, mouth ajar and everything. I may have even gasped. While contemplating pushing him in my 'not-so-reliant' car and heading to vegas immediately he says, "What, is that too many?" um.. yeah Richard it is. I stopped him at the 14th name. It would have been so easy to have a bridal party of 32!! but... my nerves could not take 15 bridesmaids.. no way.. I CHOOSE LIFE and sanity.
After he officially proposed and that beautiful ring was on my finger.. i very nicely and lovingly and sweetly but very sternly asked him to make a list of all the men he wanted as his groomsmen but only keep the absolutely-must-have-no exceptions! the rest have to be assigned other roles in the wedding. I would love to have all his best buds from childhood up there but our budget would not allow it. I MEAN WE HAVE TO BUY ALL THESE PEOPLE GIFTS! and we have to pay for the rehearsal dinner, which not only includes the bridal party but some of them have families that will be included in the rehearsal which means much more money we have spend. which means more hours I have to work and less time I get to spend with my sweetie!
To be fair, I made my own list. I had twenty-five names of potential bridesmaids. **sigh** i do hate being this popular. :)
The first thing I had to do was decide if I just wanted family in my bridal party. Many of my married friends said that if they could go back and do it again this is the one thing they would change. All their bridesmaids were their best friends at the time and family was excluded. Now their 'best friends' paths have lead them in different directions making them mere acquaintances (i might add that this is absolutely natural and expected with friends) but their family is still very much a part of their life and always will be. Some brides opt to have their siblings, fiances siblings, and cousins and their absolute best friend for many years standing at the alter with them. This is a great idea for brides with close-knit families, but I am not really that close to anyone in my family and my friends are much closer to me. So that is the route I decided to take. Once I got Richard's list of groomsmen I started the elimination process. Richard has chosen 8 groomsmen (one of which is a missionary over seas and would not be able to attend the ceremony but still asked to make him a groomsman :) so I had to choose 7 girls.
I divided my girls into groups: family, childhood friends, high school, college, post-college. I made a new list and added the girls that have had the most effect on my life and have been the truest of friends through thick and thin. I narrowed it down to twelve girls. Then started thinking about external factors such as distance, finances, jobs, schedules, life circumstances and overall willingness to help out. I finally was down to 8. I struggled between two girls. Both had huge impacts on my life and I just couldn't decide. Richard and I sat down together and finally selected the girl. I felt like I was on a reality show and I had just voted somebody off the island or was deciding who the final 14 would be!!! dun dun duh!!! and the winners are: (excuse me while I get real emotional for just a second, this part isn't necessary I just want to do it)
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Amanda: We met in college during hurricane Katrina and just clicked immediately. We quickly became very good friends and she got me involved with southside baptist church. One of the hardest things was saying good-bye to her as she lived in Africa for two years as a missionary. It's a hard thing, the Lord's work. You never know if that's the last time you will ever see that person again this side of heaven. Even in Africa Amanda was a true friend!
Heather: Amanda's twin sister. Heather and her husband have done more for me than anyone in my whole life. They are the greatest friends and made huge sacrifices for me. They are the biblical standard of true christian friends. They stood and supported me when i was going through one of the hardest times of my life. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Heather and I will be friends no matter what and through any situation. Amanda and Heather were easily the first two names I wrote down when thinking of bridesmaids. They were a 'must-have-no-exceptions' Those twins have meant so much to me. God does work in strange ways.
Amy: Amy was one of the first people I met when I moved to Gulfport, MS 11 years ago. A high school friend and eventually my college roommate. There isn't a single person alive that knows me better than Amy. Inseparable through college she is my longest and closest friend. Her family took me in for holidays and has always treated me like one of their own. Amy and I have had countless adventures together. You will never meet two people more different though. Our friendship has been tested to the max over the years. She has helped me through a tough time and has seen me through a lot of trials. Everything from medical issues, family crises, the death of friends and the devastation of hurricane Katrina is something that will bond us forever. Even though our paths have parted the last couple of years I know we will always be friends. she doesn't have a choice :)
Reba: Our next door neighbor in the dorms. The first person Amy and I meet in college. Quickly becoming our best friend! One thing my friends and I all have in common is we have been through a lot of storms together. This is definitely true for me and Reba. Making countless trips to visit her father in Meridian, a man who had a great influence over my life. Reba and I have stood together through many storms life has thrown our way. No storm greater than the death of her father. We have experienced many joys together as well. Her marriage and the birth of her children (my god-children) I hated seeing her move, and miss the countless time i have slept on her living room couch, and all the christmases we shared together.
Candi: Candi transfered to our college my junior year. We became suite mates the very next semester. Amy, Reba, Candi, and myself became a very close knit group until graduation and we all went our separate ways. Candi let me spend countless hours crying in her room over the stresses of school and working full-time. My personal chauffeur for a long time :) She has a family that is like no other and they all have huge hearts that have made huge impacts on my life. After seeing each other through many struggles our friendship has been strengthened. Candi has helped me grow spiritually and has been an excellent spiritual example in my life.
Melody: My nursing school comrade. Nobody has seen me cry as much as melody has and vice versa. We struggled through nursing school together but we finally made it! We have spent countless hours together, studying together, teaching each other, crying, and laughing together. I would have to say that 85% of the last two years of college were spent with Melody. She has seen me at my absolute worse. Most of our friendship has been spent sleep deprived and extremely stressed out. But we managed to pull through and our friendship has survived as well as many fond memories of college together. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my college life than with Melody. We have spent way to much money at IHOP. I think we should at least get a gift certificate or something!
Alicia: Alicia and her husband have been the biggest spiritual influences in my life outside my pastor. They have helped me grow into a Godly woman. They have put up with a bratty, selfish, opinionated girl and loved her unconditionally (most of the time it was tough love) Alicia and I have spent countless hours in prayer and served beside each other through many ministries. I don't think any of my friendships have been tested as much as ours has. I am very blessed to have such an amazing couple in my life. A great spiritual role model for me that loves me unconditionally and vice versa. It's funny how God works. Alicia and her husband have stood by me through the toughest time of my life. They have pushed me to grow and encouraged me to stand strong and help me endure. It's funny how the worst thing that has ever in my life has had a positive impact on not only my life but on the life of those around me.
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ok.. that part is over. :) sorry about that. Haven't had my daily dose of tears yet so I though I would go ahead an get that over with. :) All that to say, I chose my bridesmaid by looking at the span of my life and selecting the girls that have been the truest of friends and have made the most impact on my life. ok.. back to the topic. one thing I cannot stress enough is ask your girls in person. oh wait.. did you hear me ASK YOUR GIRLS IN PERSON. Don't you dare send them a text message or facebook them!! i had an exception to the rule. Reba lives 100's of miles away. So I just called her. I also asked her daughter to be my flower girl and I am not sure who was more excited about being in our wedding Richard or Reba's daughter.
I didn't announce my decision right away because I knew I would have some very hurt friends, particularly the girls that I am very close to right now. I talked to each of my bridesmaid individually before posting it all over the internet who my bridesmaids were. One thing I had to remember is that when I excluded a girl from my bridesmaid list I didn't exclude her from the wedding. My non-bridesmaid friends, I talked to individually and privately. I asked them to fill other roles, such as hostesses, singing, helping me pick out colors, decorations, invitations. I encouraged those girls to help with a lot of the details. I wanted them to know that I loved them and just because they were not my bridesmaids doesn't mean that they were not important to me. i know i know!! BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW GIRLS ARE! especially when it comes to weddings.
As far as a flower girl and ring bearer we already had two picked out! if you don't have any children in your family that you know, trust me when I say that there are several options. Look at friends of the family or your local church. Somebody has children somewhere! this shouldn't be a problem.
The biggest advice I can give about choosing bridesmaid is be sensitive. If you have a best friend that you would love to have up there with you but momma insists that you put your cousin that gets on your last nerve and you want to punch in the face. Pick your friend. It's your day. Momma will just get over it and so will the rest of the family.
Don't think you have to ask a girl to be your bridesmaid just because she asked you to be in her wedding. I know that's the nice thing to do and I had to get over that issue too. My feelings have been hurt several times because some of my closest friends didn't ask me to be in their wedding but i got over it. If you have another girl that you are closer too and you want in the wedding more go with that girl. It's ok!!! You will wish you had in before it's all over. trust me on this one. Friends come and go to quickly in life.
